Organized Peace - 4

These past few days have been VERY enlightening and even rather interesting. As I have been pondering some high points along the way I also realize that through them all I have been getting a better picture of 'organized peace' (or sometimes the lack of it). Several experiences have been developing concurrently. I will try to share just a bit of what I have been learning.

1. Without going into a lot of detail I have been helping a friend with a variety of 'jobs'. Due to some experiences previous to when I began helping her on a rather regular basis some legal issues have been started by another party against her (She has excellent legal aid). Friday was to be another step in the legal 'proceedings' and naturally she was concerned. Previous to this we have prayed together a number of times concerning the 'problem' . I believe I saw God perform miracles both in giving my friend 'peace' before, during and after the legal procedure and in the outcome. This kind of peace is within a person's heart and spirit, whether or not the external situation seems to be peaceful.

Due to the nature of the situation another friend was requested to help for a short time. After things had 'calmed down' andnear the end of the day when basically all that was going to happen that day was 'over', my friend whom I have been helping and I had a chance to talk together. She thanked me for my support and prayer - which I had been more than happy to give as I had been able. In a more 'casual' setting we also reviewed some of what had taken place and even commented a little on what might be a wise course to pursue looking forward. She then made a comment that I have been 'mulling over' in my mind since. She likes the other person who came and helped for a short time but her impression was that this person had a 'spirit' of 'chaos' or similar, but she might be able help our mutual friend with this 'challenge'.

It was extremely interesting to me that here was a person who had been facing some seemingly serious challenges and yet she was still very perceptive of others around her. She has in the past been able to help many people and even though she was and is facing challenges in her own life she still seems to be on the lookout for those who may be able to be helped by her to have not only organization but an inside peace upon which to base their life.

2. As mentioned earlier a friend of mine broke her leg back in December. She has a cattery and I volunteered to take care of it until she could get back on her own 'two legs'. Because of a number of reasons, however, it seems that the cattery has taken a 'back seat' in my priority list for the past two weeks. The cats have received food and water but that has been about all for the last week. When I get home about 8-10 p.m. I just can't do more than that before winding down for myself'. This situation, however, was weighing heavily upon my mind. I felt somewhat guilty for not 'keeping up' with either the cattery or my own home but it seemed as though the 'hurrier I went the 'behinder I got'. My friend, mentioned in part 1, sensed some of my frustrations and has encouraged me in a number of ways as well as given me suggestions to 'right' my own schedule, so to speak. Well, yesterday my husband and I ended up spending about 6 hours in the cattery doing a major clean-up as well as repair on a some long standing needs. We didn't get everything 'done, done', but hopefully it will help us get back on track. I told my friend Friday that I was not going to be able to continue doing everything every day. While doing the makor cleaning we were able to rearrange things in such a way that she can now feed and water the cats by herself even though she is still not walking 'well'. That in itself has taken a big burden off me. I will still have to help her a couple days a week doing the 'bigger' cleaning but that is much less than the every day work we have been doing for the past three months.

Somehow, even though things had gotten pretty messy for a week or so (previous to then we had been able to clean almost every day and I had felt real good about our 'cat care') I really felt good - and even a peace in my heart - when we were able to get it back into 'shape' again by the end of yesterday. I am still doing the washing of towels and such but that is small compared to what had been needed to be done at the beginnig of the day .

I guess I also feel relieved that she is beginning to take more of the responsibility back. It will probably be a while before she can do everything again but just knowing that I am not responsible for the daily food and water for the cats seems 'great' to me right now.

I am thankful that I could help her during this time, but I'm also thankful it is nearing an end and hopefully soon. I have also had a sense of peace in transfering back to her these responsibilities.

3. Now to something a little more personal. As the above experiences have been developing something has occasionally 'flitted through' my mind. One of my tendencies has been to 'help' (or at least when I think) others need help. Even though my mother died when I was 21 I sense I got that 'spirit' from her. I remember a number of experiences when Leota mom would reach out to help those in need. Her sister, Aunt Flora, (whom I looked up to a lot) was also that kind of a person. I have always admired that attribute in them and I think it has had a large impact in me.

4. On the flip side of the above attribute that I think I see in me, I have struggled for most of my life with 'taking care' of myself, especially whenever there is a 'high stress' situation when helping someone else. It seems that when that happens the 'stress' situation easily takes 'top priority'.

This topic actually has more than two sides, which is what I have begun to 'see' this last day or so. Basically I have gotten very frustrated with myself at times and particularly so when I realize that I have again allowed 'high stress' situations in other's lives to 'rule' over what I really need for myself and my family. That may need to happen occasionally but I don't think it is necessary quite as often as I have allowed it to be in my past life.

My brother and I have talked about this from various perspectives in the past (We have a good communication between us as far as I know). Some of his comments and questions recently though left me frustrated - partly because I couldn't really 'see through' them and partly because I couldn't seem to come up with an acceptable 'answer' (not because he said them but because I couldn't seem to see 'either way').

One question he had asked me was could it be I do the above (help others out of trouble) and don't keep my own 'house' (both literally and figuratively) because somewhere I am getting what seems to be a benefit of some kind to me? On the surface I could not 'see that'. How could disorganization in my own home 'bring' any benefit to me? Others don't like it and I for sure don't like what seems to be 'chaos' either. But something came up this weekend that has led me back to that 'line' of thinking. To make this short, of the 5 siblings in our family it seems I have 'felt' accepted by my parents more than all the others. My older brother and sisters have memories of many frustrations when they think of our 'family'. And only in the past few years has my younger brother been able to bring resolutions to some long standing challenges in his life in relation to 'family'. Yet, most of what I currently remember include acceptance of me for who I was by both my mom and dad. (Even my brothers and sisters have made comments along that same line.) But this time as I thought about the above in the light of my brother's question, the two concepts began to seem to 'come together'. There are other factors involved, I know, including (A.) Allergy reactions which at times left me barely able to 'function' on any level much less 'keep up' with 'mundane' things like 'housekeeping' ? ! : (B.) The concept that I didn't want anyone to think I couldn't carry my share of the 'load' in any given situation in my life and particular when it involved others' (not in relation to caring for myself though) : (C.) I early believed a lie - 'Peace at all costs'; (to just name a few 'other factors' which I have thus far identified).

But this time I have begun to 'see' something 'new' to me. As all our family would probably testify, our mom was not a perfect housekeeper. I never considered our house 'dirty', but 'well lived in', yes. And my most common memories were mainly with my younger brother and mself at home - the three older siblings were five years older, seven years older and ten years older so they had about 'flown the nest' in many of my memories. I mention this because a very common recollection of my older sisters was Dad waking them up to go 'clean up' the kitchen' when they had 'left it' unfinished and similar memos.

Could it be that my feeling of being 'accepted' by mom in particular but also by dad does have a 'part' to play in my own lack of housekeeping? Could I be somehow connecting 'dots' in ways that weren't as they were supposed to be? Yes, I have carried this problem of housekeeping further than mom did, I fully agree (I think I'm worse than she was). But I am no longer thinking that is one of my 'bottom line' issues. I haven't resolved everything but I believe the Lord is opening up these connections so that as I 'see' them, agree with Him about them and release them to Him, He will 'set me free' in this area just as He has been doing in other areas in my life, especially in recent months and years. "Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free" and "If the Son (Jesus) shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed." Jesus has done just that in other areas of my life already which has brought me His peace and I believe He is doing it again in this area as well.

Until we meet again may the God of Peace give you of His peace and JOY in your life as you agree with Him.

Bringer of Peace