Peace about the past

My family was sort of spread out time wise with 6 children in about a 15 year span between my oldest brother and my youngest brother - which has had advantages and disadvantages. In one sense the three oldest (to us younger ones anyway) almost seemed like another 'family' of sorts. My oldest brother was away from home going to school at a boarding academy by the time my younger brother was born. The sister next oldest to me is five years older than me, (there was another brother younger than myself but he died shortly after he was born) with another older sister between her and our oldest brother, and my youngest brother five years younger.

To me it seems that my younger brother and I have been sort of closer in some ways and the older three were somewhat like a 'first family'. Even my older brother commented that I had traits somewhat like a 'first born' (of the second set).

There is one thing, though, that I have pondered about off and on for a long time. Each of my brothers and sisters have shared with me some perspectives either about our parents or other aspect of 'home life' that had left them feeling 'shortchanged' or similar. Each perspective was definitely different but all seemed at least somewhat negative (or so it seemed to me). On the other hand I've had no reason to feel I got the 'short end' of home life. I have many happy memories of both my mother, father and mostly of sisters and my younger brother - I hardly remember my older brother being home.

I have wondered at times what might have caused such seeming differences between the rest of my siblings and myself. I do believe that God has given me peace in many areas of my life as a gift from Him. My name often reminds me of what I now believe to be one of God's goals for my life and I am thankful for it ('Olive' symbolizes 'peace' and 'Mae' represents 'maiden'/'bringer of').

I doubt if I'll find out all of the answer to my curiosity before I get to heaven but I have gotten some suggestions that have made some sense recently. One recent thought was that even though I was young so not really 'part of' some of the problems between the rest of my family (older ones) I was still aware of at least some of unpleasant happenings. I presently believe that somewhere along the line I made up my mind that I would agree with mom and dad rather then have 'hard times' as it seemed to me the others got into way more than I cared to participate in myself.

I think there is a lot of merit in that decision. I also believe the Lord blessed me regarding it especially in my home life years. But somewhere I got off track and I fell into 'peace at all costs'.
I can remember many times where I was not willing to stand up and be counted because I wanted peace more than I wanted what was right.

I believe that my loving heavenly Father has been helping me and guiding me to see when it is appropriate to do something for peace and when it is time to stand for right regardless of whether the other party agrees or not.

This past week I think that is one reason I have had some folks get real upset with me too. They have been used to me being a 'doormat' but when I didn't cooperate they were not happy at all.

I am still learning and I am grateful that God has promised He will guide me with His eye. I still like to have peace, but real peace is when I am in full agreement with my loving heavenly Father.

My His peace be in your heart just now.

Bringer of Peace