Peace Inside

I have been seeing some things inside of me that do not lend to my having 'peace inside'. I don't have what I think may be the whole 'bigger' picture yet, but I believe I am getting closer.

I have been thinking along the above lines since around the beginning of 2008. In one respect I am excited to learn more both from God and others. Oftentimes what 'stops' heart peace has to do with a 'lie' believed - in place of truth.

I went yesterday and got my hair cut and styled. For those of you who know me, I have had longer hair for some time, this new cut is shoulder length at the back tapering up to somewhat shorter in the front. (If I could figure out how to put pictures on the web I would add one here. But since I have not progressed in my blog talents to that stage I must be content for now with 'word pictures'.) After the hair styling I stopped at a few stores on the way home. I found a few items that I thought would be nice to use for when I teach children at church. But as I was looking around, the thought came to my mind that one excuse I was shopping had to do with reluctance to 'go home'. What 'worth' would I 'consider' myself labeled?.
Another excuse - especially for coming up with 'church' use reasons - was again harking back to 'low' self worth (This isn't for me. It is for someone else). When the Holy Spirit (I believe) pointed these 'excuses' out to me in my mind I think I began to see more clearly how 'low self worth' can be so detrimental - to me anyway. The second law of God, according to Matthew 22: 37-39, is to love others as one's self. If I don't properly consider myself of worth - love according to God's way - how can I truly treat others the way God would have me treat them? I can't.

To me that is also translating into how I care not only for myself but for my home and family.
Having said that I now seem to be faced with an even 'bigger' battle of sorts. I like to have things in order. Yet, at the same time, the thought has been flitting around that maybe one reason I don't 'do that' (keep everything in order) has been a sense that this is an area where I can 'not do' - in a twisted sort of thinking - and in that way I 'think' I am in 'control' (ugh! yuck!)

I don't like that idea at all, but somehow I think there may be some parts of it that resonate when I look at my sad, pitiful, excuse for housekeeping. The fact that I like getting the dishes done and have a sense of personal satisfaction and yet a sense of almost anger comes up at the very thought of washing dishes gives me the distinct impression that there is something much deeper than 'dishes' disrupting my 'peace inside' in this area of my life.

I keep telling my Heavenly Father that I want Him to 'root out' what is causing this disruption of my peace inside of me. One primary step in this process is Him revealing to me what is the 'real' cause - be it a lie that I believe or otherwise' - so that I can first agree with Him (also called 'confess' in KJV Bible) and then 'release it' (also called 'forsake') to Him to do whatever He does with my 'going across' - or different than - (transgress in the Bible, also called sin or missing God's will) His plan for me.

I let go of the lie of 'peace at all costs' and it was a real 'peace bringer' into my heart. When I look back some day I will probably be able to put a label on the 'peace breaker' that I am presently being challenged with. But whatever I will decide to call it in the future I don't want it any longer even now.

I am greatly encouraged that God is more interested in giving me 'peace inside' than I even can presently comprehend at the moment.

I am also thankful for what is to me a very special promise from God. He tells me "I will contend with the one who is contending with you (the devil and his forces) and I will save your children." That is super special to me. Not only is God in the business of giving me peace inside by cutting loose the 'roots' of evil that have been binding me to 'missing His peace', but He will do it in such a way that the roots of evil that have previously been binding me will also be broken for our son. Praise the Lord.

Backing up to yesterday at the hair dressers place. When I first got there I was the only one there. I knew the folks in the shop from 'church' and we got to talking on some spiritual 'favorites' of mine one of them being the 'beauty' of God's love law. (See Matthew 22:37-39 for the way Jesus put it.) I was blessed both by the hair style and the conversation.

Then, as I was in the midst of discussing with Jesus concerning the events following the hair styling(as mentioned above) I was very impressed that my heavenly Father was delighted when I shared more about Him with others. It was like He was encouraging me to get back into sharing His love much more often than I have recently been doing.

Another point of encouragement was that when I got home I was able to get my new printer set up. I had told the folks at the salon I had some more printed materials I thought they might enjoy. I had taken a few pamphlets with me in case I had time to read but which I left with them instead. I spent time yesterday evening getting some other pamphlets ready to share with them. [Some time back I had felt the Lord urge me into preparing a series of lessons called 'His Story - The Creator God of the Universe'. These lessons review God's relationship to humans.]

Yes, I did receive peace inside. No, I have not yet arrived at 'total' peace. Yes, God is in the business of cleaning out the inside of me to the point where there will be 'only' peace inside. Praise Him.

Bringer of Peace