Peace in the Midst 8

This has been a very interesting week so far. We been told we are not to be elated by applause or 'deflated' by censure. Arriving at that high goal is truly possible when I abide - stay, continue, remain - in the presence of Jesus from day to day. In other words, in my life that is the real challenge. It is also a real blessing. Not being on that kind of a 'roller coaster' ride - highs of pride and self-sufficiency and lows of depression and worry - does away with a lot of trouble.

A friend asked me yesterday if I ever doubted God. I have always believed God loves me and I love Him. I have had no problem in that realm. But as I pondered her question it became evident that even in the midst of 'loving' God, I have often attempted to 'do' - live, make decisions, guide, direct what happens in relation to me - my way. That is where the grief has come in when it comes to my life.

I fully believe I am not a robot. God does not just 'pull strings' to make me 'do' His will. On the other hand He is in the process of 'growing me up' into a genuine woman after the original model.

Paul talked about his progress. He went through childhood - "when I was a child". But he 'grew up' and put away childish things and ways. There was a time when it was appropriate that I acted, thought and talked like a girl. Now that I am physically mature God wants me to also become spiritually and emotionally 'grown up'. That also means to 'put away' childish things - quit acting like a baby or even a child. God is teaching me how to 'think, talk and act' as a woman of God. (Wow! what a challenge as well as a privilege in Christ!)

A few months ago we agreed to let a man temporarily be housed at our place because he had been extradited back to Virginia on legal matters. The Lord knew this person needed a place to stay. I now believe God also 'knew' I needed to face at least certain areas in my life where additional maturity was really needed in order for me to act more like Jesus.

Some time last week this person and I were speaking together and it was almost like, through a 'flashback' I was in a former situation where I had miserably failed (at least according to my perception). It was like I was listening to the former person who, in my opinion anyway, had little or no respect for those who disagreed, especially if they happened to be 'female'. I believe that God may have given me that 'flashback' to help me see what 'not' to do as well as what a more mature person should 'do' in that situation.

I later told my husband that I had 'heard' (and I named the former person with whom we had had dealings). He asked me where and I told him that I had heard the former person talking through the person who is presently staying here now.

Yes, it has caused some pain. But on the other hand, as I have been talking to God about the situation, I keep getting the distinct message that God is giving me another opportunity to 'grow up', to learn how to act more mature in this kind of a situation, to become more like Jesus in both my words and my actions. I choose God's will and I am also praising the Lord for giving me another opportunity to 'grow up' in Christ.

We were trying to have some Bible studies for a few weeks with this person and I believe he was able to take in some of the information. On the other hand it also seemed to me that those very times and bits of information also began to be used 'against' us in more ways than one. One way it began to be used against me was that this person began using the same 'language' when speaking to us, but using it in such a way as to 'cast' 'blame' on us and, I believe anyway, to attempt to manipulate. I believe God is working with this person and attempting to guide them to make 'right' decisions, but I am also becoming convinced that I am not a primary 'mover' or 'shaker'. I have begun praying for God to send this person a 'male' 'mature' 'mentor' who can do what this person needs most to have done for them. It is no longer in our 'capacity' to really help, except for a few more days to give him a place to 'stay'.

Circumstances occurred which led me to finally ask my husband to tell this person to not come over to our little house. He still seems to respect what my husband told him but I am pretty much convinced that he has little or no idea of how some of his words and/or actions appear to women in particular. I understand he had a rough babyhood and childhood, but I am also convinced I am not the one who can help him or enable him to change. God still loves him, though, and is still working in his behalf.

I have been asking God to send him a 'mature', God loving, male who can 'show' him what it means to act like a man - and someone he will listen too. When he first came he kept saying 'I'm a man now so treat me like a man'. It is nice to be 'treated' like a man, but in order for that to do any good, a person must 'act like a man' in the first place. That is what I have perceived as missing. (In my view while he was saying those words he was acting more like a 'baby'.)

On the other side of the situation I have been taking some long, hard looks at myself. Am I myself acting as a 'mature' woman? Am I allowing any of my boundaries to be broken, especially like I did in the previous situation? In relation to the former person (referred to earlier) I definitely did not 'act' like a 'woman' at all times. And I had very little idea of what proper boundaries should be. This time I believe God is not only opening my eyes but enabling us to hold appropriate boundaries for us and for others.

God protected me from the former person mentioned and for that I priaise Him. He is still protecting me but He is also guiding me to 'act' and 'think' in His ideal pattern for a Christian woman. Rather than being constricting, as some people might think, it has been 'freeing' to me to learn more of His plan for His women and how to implement His plans in our lives.

Even though I have not fully arrived, I do believe God is working in and through me and for that progress I praise the Lord.

That particular man is not the only 'work in progress' at the moment here. At the end of last month we gave notice to other people who live here with us that we are planning to move. When we leave it means everyone else here will also need to leave. Each person's response to that information has been very revealing of character. I did 'hear' of a little bit of 'checking' for other places to live, but it didn't seem there was much going on at an obvious level.

Propety taxes were due December 5, this year and for the first time we were not able to fully pay that financial obligation on time. This default, in a sense, broke one of the conditions for our being able to 'live' here. As a result, representatives of the owner got in touch with us and made inquiries as to the current financial situation. To make a long story 'short', when all the information was presented, it only enhanced the previous request for folks to find another place to live.

I have talked to my heavenly Father quite a bit about this situation - both before and after the above events. One thing has become quite evident to me. The real character of each person involved is being revealed. We are being 'blamed' for a lot of things (What's new?) At the same time, however, I believe God is longing that each person, instead of blaming others, will come to God and ask God to reveal to each one what God's will for them individually is just now.

Another aspect of this whole situation, I believe, is that God is using these experiences to teach us what He is like and how we can learn to 'act like' Him. I have been asking Him to guide me in both areas.

A few weeks ago (even before the current 'crisis' became 'public') God impressed me to begin thanking Him for already supplying our needs (including financial) and to make a specific list of what those 'needs' were. Up until a few months ago God has over and over again supplied our lack (especially financial) through many ways, often out of the ordinary. But recently it seemed that had not 'happened' as before. At about the same time God began impressing me that He wanted to do something bigger, broader and more specific in my husband and my life than previously we have done. He has kept 'bringing' me to focus on a specific 'project'. I had 'dreamed' of something 'similar' for years but as I prayed about this 'dream' (if I recall this 'dream' has come more into focus again some time late spring or early summer of this year) it has seemed God was not only been impressing me to ask Him to bring the dream into reality but that I was 'dreaming' much too small. During the 'early summer' I began to put down in my journal and on my computer a few more specific details as they would come to my mind of what the 'dream' would include.

At the same time, however, the financial 'crisis', as mentioned earlier, was slowly 'accumulating' and 'deepening'. During the summer some other situations arose that seemed to take precedence and I more or less 'laid' the dream aside. I even wondered occasionally if maybe what God and I had been talking about and plannning earlier was only a dream. On the other hand I would still go back to that dream now and then and take another look at it, even adding to it occasionally as opportunity presented itself.

A few weeks ago when I felt impressed to make a list of 'needs' to thank the Lord for, the Lord wouldn't let me alone until I added specific requirements to make the 'dream' a reality to the 'thank you, God' list.

On December 2, 2008, Perhaps a couple of weeks or so after we started thanking the Lord for our needs being met, our 'best' car was totaled in an accident. I don't believe for a moment the Lord 'caused' the accident. God does promise, however, that ALL things work together FOR good to those who love the Lord. Each 'action' may not always be what we would call 'good', but God uses each one to 'bring' good to those who love God, who are called (and have accepted God's call in their hearts) according to His purpose.

I have now 'dubbed' our car a 'rolling savings account'. While we were making payments each month toward paying off the loan on the car, we have also had to have full coverage insurance. After the insurance pays the bank the amount due on the loan there will be some funds which will be returned to us. Since the car was totaled, we no longer have a monthly 'car' payment to make which lowers our monthly financial obligations. That was an answer to one item on our praise and thanksgiving to God list. I'm not happy about the accident but I do thank God for bringing relief on that 'bill'. (It is also lowering our insurance payments since we no longer have full coverage on a 'newer' car.)

Our son had 'parked' his car when he went to 'boot camp'. Boot camp was a very 'learning' experience for him. Eventually the army decided to discharge him, though, so now he is back home. Since 'our' car is no longer 'on the road' we decided to get his car 'up and running'. This, I believe, will be good in more than one way. Since this is 'his' car, it will be in 'his name', with 'his' insurance. Good. (Less insurance for us for which we also thank the Lord.)

With the funds 'left over' we plan to 'catch up' financially, as much as possible, Lord willing. Praise God!

Even though we can't see ahead, I believe God is 'setting us free' from a number of 'debts' so His plans, His dreams for us, may succeed.

The folks who have been living here at the farm are nice people. In our minds, however, there has been more of a 'housing' mentality rather than a 'unity' and a harmony. Each person presently here has their own agenda, their own ideas of how things 'must' be done in order to be right, and - in our opinion anyway - an unwillingness to accept any other authority (us) to tell what needs to be done here or what assist, financially or otherwise is needed. This last item has become really obvious when it was shown we had gotten behind financially. Each blamed others for the problems rather than wondering and seeking ways how each could help restore balance.

We believe God has better plans. We are also thanking the Lord for continuing to guide us. Yes, we have a dream. I am also beginning to believe that God's dream for us is actually far greater than what He has been able to reveal to us thus far. For that I thank God too.

Thank you, Heavenly Father, for what You have already done, are doing and will continue to do to reveal to us what You are really like and in using us to show others what YOU are really like through our lives. We love You, Lord.


Bringer of Peace