Peace in Apparent Failure

Well, so much for another seeming failure in trying to help someone else. Jesus, however, seems to be more interested in mentoring me than in looking at what I am considering 'failure' - for which I am thankful.

At the request of some Christian folks, we 'made room' for a man and his mother to stay here at the Farm we manage until some problems could be taken care of that he was involved in. They seemed to be very nice people and it didn't appear at first that they would be here more than just a few weeks at the longest.

When a person is involved in a legal challenge you almost expect that there is going to be a little extra 'stress' involved. But, in my mind anyway, the stress level is getting to the point that we are not sure how much longer we can hang on.

Strangely, however, even though certain aspects of this 'failure scenario' are intense, at the same time I am getting very strong indicators that "this is a test". And what do I mean by 'a test'? Well, a few years ago we had found ourselves in a situation that had many of the same characteristics as the current one does. In the earlier situation we finally came to the place where we had to part company with the person who we at first thought we could 'help'. Looking back on that experience I am still learning as well as studying what 'went wrong' as well as what lessons God can teach me. There have been a few years gone by since then. I have been learning a lot about my wonderful Lord between tests. And now I feel I am taking another 'test'. It isn't only that I feel we have 'failed' to help someone. In fact, that doesn't seem near as important in my mind as it was before. What I think I have been focusing on more is what does it mean to 'act like myself' - the new myself Jesus is forming - in the midst of living. Another part of this test has to do with 'revealing'. One of the 'bottom line' meanings of 'judgment' has to do with revealing what may have been hidden. Jesus has been bringing out into the open traits of character. Attributes of character are being revealed in us as well as in others involved. Some of them are not 'good'. And when those that we no longer find attractive get out in the open I think I am learning that this is an ideal time for me to 'give' them to Jesus and no longer 'claim' ownership. The Bible calls that 'confess' and 'forsake'. When I agree with God that some act, attitude or otherwise is not fulfilling the law of love - love God most and love others as you love yourself - that is when Jesus can fulfill His part in removing it from me. Praise the Lord.

Today has been a very interesting day in this respect. (So was yesterday and the day before and . . . .) I went over to the other house and promptly became involved in a conversation on the 'hot topic' of the 'times'. I don't think it was more than five minutes and I got upset - and let it be known. Almost immediately I realized that I had not 'acted' as a daughter of a king. I did something I don't recall doing before. I dropped to my knees and began right there asking God to first forgive me for forgetting who I really am in Him and then asking God to 'disconnect' the 'button' - that which had caused me to become upset in the first place - and to 'clean me up'. I also asked forgiveness of the other person and I thanked God for His Holy Spirit to fill all of us involved with God's love.

After the prayer the conversation continued on - for a short time. Before it was over though, I had prayed 3 times. I don't think I was preaching in my prayer, but my intent was to 'get back on track' rather than 'blow it' and again 'fail'.

I question if the prayer made a deep impact on the person needing help (especially after hearing some comments which came back to me later) but I know it helped me to restore my proper perspective as well as helping another witness who was there during the above events (I am thinking that way by comments they made to me later).

Even though outwardly there are a lot of indicators of apparent failure as far as us being of help to this person, there has been in my heart not only a growing 'peace' the more I have been praying and claiming God's guidance in my life but it seems as though I have been 'catching' more 'guidance' indicators as well from my loving heavenly Father.

Adding the above mentioned situation to our praising God for answering prayers has been making our days often very eventful. Yet often when I feel stress 'rising' I have many times paused and just asked God what to do next. It has been amazing looking back and being able to point to time after time when God ruled and overruled in obvious ways.

If you have been reading any recent posts here I have mentioned some answers to a prayer list we specifically began thanking God for perhaps a month ago. Yesterday we found out the our son's car will only cost about $900 to get back on the road instead of an estimated $2,000 or so. Thank You, Lord. That will enable us to get it on the road sooner to help replace the Toyota that was recently 'totaled' in an accident.

It is getting late and I need some sleep. As you go may God's peace be in your heart.


Bringer of Peace